Falling back into a relationship with an ex proves quite tempting as it scratches old itches. The relationship may have stirred physical attraction, emotional bonds or a sense of belonging. These create a powerful urge to return.
Reestablishing a relationship is not a bad thing on the surface. It becomes troubling when you sacrifice your dignity to win him back. How can it be done without seeming needy? One must focus on positioning, communication, and assessment.
Safeguard Against Neediness
Before beginning the process of reentering a relationship, steps need to be taken to protect yourself. Most of the concepts appear simple. Trouble arises when the heart outruns the natural order of things. This means a few things must be in the top of your mind prior to contacting an ex.
- Care for Oneself: Taking steps to care for one’s heart, mind and body usually fall by the wayside when someone gets hopped up on the emotional high of returning to a relationship. You must determine the things you need to feel healthy and whole.
This might mean making physical changes to diet and exercise or establishing a mindfulness practice preventing racing thoughts. These small steps mean feeling better overall regardless of what happens with the ex.
- Avoid Erratic Behavior: While easy to address this in regards to an ex, this practice should extend to all areas of your life. You might be tempted to overshare with friends or take personal offense at work for unintended statements. Seeking balance allows you to not be thrown off balance and provides clear eyes moving forward.
Set Personal Parameters: Neediness can manifest when you overstep reasonable boundaries in several areas. The easiest often centers around communication in general and sharing too much specifically. Taking the time to establish necessary restrictions, sharing those with a trusted friend and sticking to them will lead to few incidents which could appear as coming from a needy heart.
Simple, Cautious Communications
Early on in the process, you should follow a few simple guidelines when communicating with an ex. Let’s look at some ways in which a needy appearance can be prevented.
- Remain upbeat when communicating.
- Resist bringing up old topics of contention.
- Keep talks short.
- Listen for the way your ex responds in tone and details.
- Ask open-ended questions allowing him to expound about what is going on with him.
In the initial phases, the temptation to be overly effusive rears its head. Crossing the line from pleasant to needy can be difficult to spot until one has stepped over it. Tread slowly because recovery becomes harder once the line has been crossed.
Weigh His Benefits
As things progress, important milestones become apparent. You will want to determine if an ex is worth the risk before moving into a deeper relationship. An important reason for this is because he may lash out and start pointing out nonexistent neediness as things get more serious. Not being unnecessarily hurt for a lost cause becomes your responsibility.
- Was and is the relationship positive? Only through a serious assessment can you check the reasons for getting back into a relationship. If it was or is not a great option, stepping away now will save hurt feelings and misunderstood motivations.
Was there anything that made you feel good when things ended? Admitting to yourself the true weight of negative parts of a relationship places the risk of things moving forward. But lying, even to yourself, and saying everything is only rosy sets the fragile pairing up for failure.
What do you miss? Finding one thing you truly long for from the relationship requires critical evaluation. Only by taking time and going below the surface for an aspect at the core will you realize if your ex truly deserves a second chance.
While all relationships present risks, ones bringing two people back together rise to a greater level of chance. Both partners are more inclined to see things as the way they were versus they way they could be.
Taking one’s time to not appear needy with an ex, watch the communication process and determine if someone proves worthy of return allows for the greatest chance of winning them back. Be smart because the heart will know the truth. You just need to listen.
Whether you’re looking to attract a man you can be happy with, or you want to improve your communication with your current man, Why Men Pull Away can help you. You can get more information here: