What do you want out of life? If you could have, do, or be, anything you wanted, what would you have, do, or be?
As a woman, especially a woman over 40, I can tell you that no one has ever asked me that question. Women are expected to take care of everyone else, even if it means sacrificing ourselves to meet the needs of others.
I’ve done that, and it’s been a huge mistake because others have taken me for granted. It’s led to a lot of anger and resentment on my part, and I’m sure there are plenty of other women who feel the same way. I mean really? Who’s taking care of me? Me, of course.
So What’s the Solution?
The solution is really simple. It’s time, that we as women, start saying no. Taking care of yourself first before trying to meet your other obligations in your life is the most important thing you can do. It also helps to know what you want in your life. Then get rid of the rest of it. For me, all those things I was doing that I hated doing were simply holding me back from having the things I wanted most.
I know this sounds simple. To make these changes happen in our lives that we need to make isn’t so simple because, as women, we are nurturer. It’s in our nature to want to help others and be there for others. Taking care of the people we love comes naturally. Others take advantage of that loving, nurturing side of us, and I know in my case, I ended up feeling drained, and worse, others drained what resources I had because I allowed it.
What I Learned
What I learned is that it’s actually healthy to take care of myself. I cannot take care of others without taking care of myself first. Once I meet my needs, and I have developed the resources I need to take care of myself, then I can give of what I have.
I also learned that I needed to stop doing for others what they needed to do for themselves, as well as stop giving advice. Sharing my experiences would help far more than telling others what to do.
I’m a problem solver. To me, it’s pointless to talk about my problems unless I have a solution in mind and want to share that solution. Sometimes I need help with solving my problems. Then it’s time to talk about it. Complaining, blaming, and talking about my problems without a solution is simply a waste of time.
Again, What Makes You Happy?
The first step to having what you want in life is knowing what you really want.
One of my biggest mistakes was thinking that once I had what I wanted I would be happy. The process is actually the opposite. Learning to be happy first would mean that when I finally achieved whatever it was I wanted, then I would be happy with it. Being happy first also helped me learn that what I thought would make me feel happy and what actually did add to my happiness were two different things.
Although it might feel great to have all our bills paid, have wonderful relationships all the time, and not have any problems, whether it’s health, money, relationships, or anything else, seems nice. It really is. Removing drama from our lives does help to make life more effortless. However, problems are simply an opportunity to grow, as well as be, the best version of ourselves.
What helped me to get better and to clear out all the negative feelings and emotions I had that were poisoning my life and causing many of my problems was using The Healing Codes. I found a copy of the book at the library, and I’ve used it for about three and a half years now. Although it took me awhile to clear out all the false beliefs, and negative emotions and feelings that were causing all my problems, it was worth the effort.
Find the system that works for you. There are many ways to heal, and healing is key to taking care of ourselves.
So what do you think? What makes you happy?