I remember when I first turned 40. It was like some switch flipped. All of a sudden I wasn’t as attractive to men. I wasn’t as attractive in the job market. It was like my life was over. It just felt so weird. Who’s to say that I was even half way through my life, and yet, the world was ready to throw me away?
Well, it doesn’t have to be that way. These types of ideas are the result of allowing others to assign our value to us and impose their priorities on us. It’s about self esteem, something I never had even though I had plenty of self confidence to help me succeed. The problem with having high self confidence and no self esteem is that it’s possible to succeed, but it’s always harder.
By the time I was 40, I had already done a lot with my life. I raised three girls, largely on my own. I had served my country twice. I had worked my way off disability and the meds, and before that, I has worked my way off welfare. I graduated college. I had a ton of accomplishments already. My achievements were far from over though.
I had even more to look forward to. My children were almost grown by then. (Two years later they would discover motherhood although the outcome wasn’t exactly what I wanted.) I had the rest of my life ahead of me, and since I was single, it was a chance for me to get to know me. More importantly, it was a chance to add all those things to my life I didn’t previously have, like the chance to travel, find the love of my life, build the career I always desired, and the most important part of all, do all of the things I had never had either the time or money to do.
It wasn’t easy. In 2005, the bottom fell out of my life. All of my daughters ended up pregnant. Two of my daughters had to live with having their babies die. I felt like my life was over, and I wanted to die. I felt like it was all my fault.
I stayed depressed for years. I worked on and off at building a business online. I wrote. I made money. I knew there was way more success waiting for me. I just didn’t know how to find it, and sadly, I didn’t care.
I drifted for a long time. I hid it from everyone except those who were closest to me. It was obvious to them that something was wrong. I came into the veterans’ community online. It wasn’t until around 2012 when I was trying to help my Dad resolve my Mom’s will, and I met a guy that things changed. That’s when my will to live, to find the answers, to have the life I wanted came back into play.
It wasn’t easy though. Although I had a plan, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to succeed when you’re around someone who is constantly toxic. Success is a struggle when there’s so much negativity in your life. I ended up in North Carolina with two of my daughters, and in 2014, I ended up homeless. Self sabotage can rip your life to pieces, and it often the result of believing lies others have told you about yourself instead of believing the truth.
I didn’t give up though. By this time, I was doing The Healing Codes. The Healing Codes are an energy medicine system based on the way Jesus healed, and it follows the principles of quantum physics. (I’ve caught hell in the veterans’ community for using this. You would think veterans would cheer me on for trying to get well. They don’t and none are willing to try what I have done). It worked for me, and it will work for anyone that tries it, but it can often be incredibly slow at producing results, especially when you have as much damage mentally as I had.
It took three years of doing The Healing Codes, but experience results I did. I caught a lot of hell along the way, especially in the veterans’ and South African communities. I learned something really important though, and it was simple: it is not what happens to us that’s important. It’s what we choose to do with what happens to us that means everything.
I have chosen to forgive. I have chosen to let it go. I have chosen to move on simply because, at the end of the day, we cannot change the world. The only thing we can do is to change ourselves. In doing so, we can make the world a better place. So that’s what I have chosen to do. I am finally working from the inside out instead of the outside in.
It’s not easy. So many people think that if they try to change, there is something wrong with them. Nothing is further than the truth. Life isn’t about becoming who we are. It’s about getting rid of who we are and then becoming our authentic selves. Each person is precious and valuable and deserves to be accepted exactly as he/she is whether we agree with the person or not. If we want acceptance, don’t we need to offer acceptance in return?
I also discovered self hypnosis. I’ve used self hypnosis to help me change all of the toxic beliefs I was holding onto. What’s important here is that you find and create the toolbox that helps you to live the life you want.
So here are the steps to getting started:
1. What do you want out of life?
The truth here is that most people really don’t know the answer to that question. No one has ever asked. We’re also told that we’re supposed to do things a certain way because that’s how life works. Now it is true that the universe pretty much works a certain way, and if you follow the way the universe works, it makes it easy to get what we want out of life.
We are creators. We’re constantly creating, and we’re either creating what we want or what we don’t want based on what is happening in our minds. That’s why focus is so important. The thing I have struggled with most in my life is others telling me that I needed to care about this or that and wanted me to get involved because I’m a doer. That’s how I was roped into working on veterans’ issues and white genocide in South Africa while so many white South African veterans were busy riding motorcycles, watching rugby and doing the wild thing with their women while I was working on the issues! Then they criticized me and said I was in it for the money or the attention. I think not! People were dying. They are dying. Those who are involved need to be the ones who get involved.
I won’t be doing that anymore. The goal here isn’t to just figure out what you want out of life. It’s also about living your life by design and living it on purpose. We all have a purpose in life, and I believe that mine now is to share my experience as a woman over 40 (I’m actually 53 as I write this), and help women over 40 find love, build satisfying careers and businesses and have the bodies they want. When you live on purpose, and you seek to fulfill your goals in the three major areas of your life: health, wealth and relationships, it will only add to your happiness if you learn how to be happy before you achieve those things you desire.
(For those who are interested, I use the Secrets of Deliberate Creation Instant Self Hypnosis. Makes it really easy to reach into your subconscious mind and get rid of all those toxic beliefs.)
2. How do you build your toolbox so that you reach success?
This one is tricky. It really depends on you. Some people see things as self hypnosis or energy healing as something crazy people do, or they don’t believe that by changing from the inside out will change their circumstances. The truth is that we act on what we believe. It’s also important to understand that it all depends on what resources we believe we have available to us.
I believe that the resources of the universe are available to me. This is because of my experience and my education. Some people think that conventional medicine is the answer for their health, or a job for their livelihood or that they need to follow what their moms taught them about relationships. My question to you would be, is what you are doing working? If it’s not working, then it’s time to stop doing it, and believe me, my life wasn’t working.
So here are some things you can explore to help you get started. You can actually get a free account at the Healing Codes, and the Secrets of Deliberate Creation will explain the whole process. The bottom line is that when you do the mental work, the physical work is easy.
So here’s how to get started:
The bottom line is that it’s your life, and you only live once. You deserve to have it all. Happiness, like anything else, is a choice. What will you choose for yourself?